Dumbass

I am a dumbass. Really.

It seems like no matter how hard I try in school, it is not enough. Maybe because my school is filled with 80% tryhard, studyfreak Asians whose parents have super high expectations. My parents have lowered my standard since about 7th grade, because they think I am not smart.

Since next year is junior year, everything is going down to the last wire, such as SATs and college apps. Good grades are super important. (like I can put that off, pft) I think around a few weeks ago, I took one of those SAT I diagnostic tests in this prep school to see where I am. I got a fucking 1580. Apparently a passing score is 1500. Well shit. Classes probably boost around 200-300 points, but what good college can I go to with a fucking 1700-1800? (I will assume it will only boost me 200 points for me because I am always at the bottom) But still,  a 1700 is a shit score and no way can I get into a "top UC" with that. How the fuck am I supposed to get into a good UC with shit grades, shit scores, and a overly competitive high school.

Yesterday I went to this prep school place to see if I should sign up for their SAT prep class. They asked for my grades from this year and last year. The "counselor" guy just basically tells me my grades are shit and I need to work my fucking ass off. Really. Not like I already knew that -_- This guy also tells me colleges just look at the 2 most important numbarz evarz: SAT and GPA. You could get a 4.3, but how much information could you still remember after high school? I'm sure many people at my school just study just to get the A on the test, and then forget everything right after taking the test. (I will admit that I do this) If these fucking numbers are going to determine my intelligence level, then these numbers can go melt and deform into a puddle. I only want to take an SAT prep class, not a "3 in 1 package" deal or whatever. I feel like these prep schools are a waste of money, because any parent in this area is willing to suck their bank accounts to get their kid to do well. Seriously, yesterday I saw that the "3 in 1" costs $13,000 for sophomores. 2 years of (basically) unlimited classes and homework tutoring. The pricing list even went as far as 6th grade, which cost around $36,000. Like holy shit, 36k for a bunch of homework help and prep classes? That could be a whole year's worth of salary for someone.

Fuck this shit, I don't want to do anything. Sometimes, I think about not going to college, but that would probably lead to being disowned by my family and I would have nothing left. Or, I could be not Asian but still be smart (ha, me smart.) as I am right now so I can get into any college I want. (but that is impossible, sadly) Maybe I can marry someone rich, but my chances of that are slim. So screw the top UCs, because I can probably never get near qualifications. Probably state colleges are fine for me, or even better, OUT OF STATE. But what about the Asian parents that look down upon state colleges.......