Unfinished business

So there was this guy that I liked in freshman year....
...and apparently he liked me back.

I didn't admit it to him until like 8 months later, which was a really bad idea. I was going to tell on the last day of school, but I chickened out. After I told him that I liked him, he admitted his stuff to me. But he started to talk to my friend, so it kinda became a triangle conversation. Then all the things he wanted to say to me was sent through my friend, like a messenger or whatever. The "messenger" tells me that the guy and I have a "shallow relationship". But the next day, I was told it's not going to happen, so I got into this big pit of sadness.

That was a long week filled with sad music and sad things. Why did he not tell me directly about this, I do not know. I wish I could talk to him about this and get more details (because you can't just leave me hanging there psh), but it would most likely get very awkward or I would just be reminded of the bad memories. Plus he has changed a lot mentally, so I don't think I can approach without freaking him out or something (Terrible wording right there.)

I'm still mad at myself that I didn't say anything earlier, and probably will be mad for awhile. Even though it was some sad shit, deep down, there's still some feelings.