It's been months. I feel like I neglected to post but in reality I've been quite busy for someone who didn't really have to try in schoolwork because it's college time soon.

I really think the last three months of school were really great. Joining a sports team with people who like to do the same things I do while having loads of fun with them really felt like I belonged somewhere in school. Some other groups of friends won't fully understand the pain and joy unless they were in the same situation too, but I guess that's what different cliques do. It's also been awhile since I've been told I have improved greatly by people who are more skilled or knowledgeable than me. It's a great fucking feeling to know the work you put in actually paid off. Also actually having a social life, such as hanging out late at night with people, instead of rotting away at home is a good feeling too because of the sense of belonging. If I continue to do sports in college, I really hope to continue to grow and improve just like I did in that short span of 3 months. I guess I have a hobby/activity that I thoroughly enjoy. I don't have to say "I have no fucking clue" anymore.

Since it was second semester, college decisions came out. I was pretty fucking bummed on not getting my dream school, but after lots of self rationalizations, I think I would be better off at my chosen school. Plus it's the "best state school" so I would say not too fucking shabby for someone who kept complaining throughout high school. I remember when I was applying for this school and my parents told me I wouldn't have a chance of getting in, but guess where I'm going now bitch. I'll be pretty far from my friends but there's a reason the internet fucking exists I suppose.

Now that I look over the past 4 years of some of the best and worst shit I have ever accomplished so far, I have a difficult time labeling my high school years as a dreaded hell hole or a frilly garden of Lala land. I can only put it as a combination of the two, but leaning more on the hell hole side. Some of these people were fucking nuts, but most likely because I was jealous of their intelligence and success in school since I always was below average. So all my bitching and complaining came from that jealousy, which followed decreased motivation because why fucking bother compete to be the top when there's people that pretty much permanently grab that place? Also why bother to work so hard if the people on the top are going to shoot you down and fucking mock you in front of yourrants? Either they have an ego the size of the shit that comes out of their mouth or I just decide to not do anything about it. Might be both. In the end I have come to know some of these top people and I don't feel like I have to hate them anymore because I don't have to hear from them for the rest of my life!

And thus ends the high school portion of my life. I think I'll continue to use this blog for future rants, bitching, and/or complaining, as it serves as a kind of diary for me.