Awkward.

Have I talked about this before? No?
I don't even know anymore. I only update this once a month anyway.

But yes. Awkwardness. I would say I am quite the awkward one, and also possibly shy. Ever since I was little I would have this thing of not talking to older people, such as random strangers or just any adult. It's fine that I was kinda shy at the age of 5, but at my age that just looks damn socially awkward. I find it quite sad that I still haven't completely grown out of this; I can hardly make conversation with random strangers and parents of my peers. This doesn't apply to only older people though, it goes for pretty much people of all ages.

Babies. Yes they are cute, but I have no fucking clue what to do with them. I avoid holding them not because I fear dropping them, but instead I just don't know what to do with these little beings. Like ok, I hold them, then what? Take a picture holding the baby and then stare into their soul or something? No thanks. Usually I'll just sit on the side and stare at the baby, as fucking creepy as it sounds, and maybe just poke their cheek or something. Sometimes if they crawl to me I'll just also poke their cheek and maybe smile awkwardly if they're looking at me. Maybe my attitude towards them will change when I get older and actually want to have kids? Meh.

I think the biggest problem with my awkwardness is my inability to be affectionate. It's difficult for some reason. Even trying to hug my friends just gets me that awkward feeling inside, although I really do care for my friends and want to express it. Makes me feel like shit but I don't know how to fix it.  

Blegh.